Ah….finally on Holiday Break! It was a mad rush to the end of the semester, with 2 final papers and 3 final exams all in the span of 10 days. Before one of my exams I sat down and realized that it had been 4 and 1/2 years since my last exam. That fact alone gave me some pre-exam jitters. I had difficulty getting to sleep the night before my first exam, as I kept imagining scores of unfamiliar questions, being terribly pressed for time, and seeing everyone else hand in their exams early. The actual experience, thankfully, was much different. After sitting down in front of my computer (something else that has changed since college – writing exams on the computer!) and taking a deep breath, I settled in to that first exam just fine. The rest of the exams went smoothly, and I realized that the only different between undergraduate and graduate exams is that there is considerably more freedom in the graduate exams. After finishing the papers and exams, I had a tremendous sense of accomplishment, and felt proud of what I had produced in such a small span of time.

Now that we are on Holiday Break, the rush of exams and the end of the semester seems very far away. It is nice to see the world outside of Fletcher, and have a life outside of graduate school once again! At the same time, I find myself missing the community, the friends, and the academic pace of Fletcher. I know that the Holiday Break is intented to be a chance to relax and recharge the batteries, but I find myself missing the very thing that was supposed to be “draining” the batteries in the first place! Perhaps this is only a temporary phenomenon and, as I start catching up on the movies that I’ve missed since being out of the country for the past few years, and start experimenting in the kitchen, I will succumb to the relaxation pressures of Holiday Break. But for now, I’m busy checking out courses for the Spring, looking into co-authoring a paper for a conference in Barcelona, and doing some reading for a paper that promised to write over the Break. We’ll see what the next few weeks bring!

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So, I just finished up my last paper of the semester and I gotta say, I’m pretty darn proud of myself. It ended up being 32 pages, even though it was supposed to be 35, but I’m ok with that. I can’t say it’s the best work I’ve ever done…you just get sick of working on one topic after a while, but reading over it this morning, I realized I have some pretty cohesive ideas. Go me.

I actually have never written more in my life than in the past few months. At least not so much so quickly. I was telling my roommate yesterday though that I feel like I’m actually producing my own ideas in some of these papers, which is kinda new to me. It’s not as if I didn’t write in college. In fact, I wrote a lot. But it’s something in the style of the way we’re supposed to write here that maybe makes me think more on my own instead of simply regurgitating what someone else says in a book or artcicle. Maybe it’s just having more knowledge about the topics I’m writing about. Who knows? Whatever it is, I’ll take it ’cause it’s pretty cool.

Even though the last few weeks have been crazy with work , I actually feel more comfortable at Fletcher than ever. This has been aided by the fact that I’ve been accepted as an honorary member of Team Aisa Night and I’m now privy to group e-mails that go flying back and forth at all hours of the day. (Thanks for including me, guys!) The best are the ones from 3 and 4 a.m.–how can these people stay up so late?!? They’re nuts, but I love ‘em. It’s a group of friends like this that keep you going, especially during finals. Cheering you on when you’re almost finished with a paper or need a study break of chai and cookies. Makes me realize what Iove about being here. I know, I know…I’m always so cheesy, but can I help it if it’s true?

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The holidays come at that inconvenient time of finals, because all of your friends who have real jobs and don’t have to study for 3-hour exams or write two 30-page papers all decide to have parties on the same weekend, and then you get suckered into throwing one yourself, when you should DEFINITELY be working. So it’s now Sunday morning, my research partner is coming over in half an hour so we can get this proposal in by the end of the semester, and I just put all the wine bottles in the back (there were a lot). Again, I SHOULD be writing about simulation software, but I’m not…. I’ll get it done on time!

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We are coming upon “Crunch Time” at Fletcher, when everyone starts to fret and panic about final exams, final papers, paying tuition for next semester, holiday plans and bus tickets, and the onset of the New England winter. Today was the first day of significant snow on campus, and the buildings and streets are empty, as everyone huddles in their room studying and drinking tea. It has been three years since I have experienced a New England winter, and I am enjoying every moment of it today. Although I, too, am caught up in the push-to-the-end craze, there is something about the first snowfall and a world covered in white that makes you slow down just a bit. The calm and stillness of a snowy Sunday morning stands in sharp contrast to the frenzy of a bitterly cold Wednesday night when everyone is packed together in the library, storming through their textbooks with chattering fingers typing away on their laptop.

It is so easy to get caught up in the rush and bustle of seemingly oppressive workloads, hours of career searching, and endless drafts of papers and resumes that we often forget the stillness of a snowy Sunday morning. A morning when we can curl up with our textbooks and hot chocolate, and remember how enjoyable academia can be. When you remove the external pressures and influences, there is something quite spectacular of having a private dialogue with the authors of your research and text books. It reminds you that yes, indeed, you have made the right choice in coming back to school. You are learning things that are stimulating, exciting, and value-laden.

And, when you need a break from the endless hours of talking to your textbooks, you can always find a good snowball fight outside in the courtyard.

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Yes, it DOES in fact happen. You have a week and a half left of school, and your brain has decided to cease functioning. Despite vain attempts to the contrary, I simply can’t restart it. Nothing that a little Eric Clapton can’t at least hide.

I have the last of my papers to grade for the Intro to International Relations course that I TA. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I was that smart as a freshman. And then sometimes I hope against hope that I was smarter as a freshman. I’ll settle for middle-of-the-road. It is amazing what some of the things these kids write about, really quite insightful I must say.

I’ve picked out my courses for next semester. Unfortunately one of the main courses I wanted to take is going to conflict with my TA position, but the money needs to come from somewhere. I fulfilled the requirement with another course, and I’m contemplating creating my own field, it’s shocking they don’t have a Middle Eastern regional field.

I’ve also got to solidify my research proposal to the Jebsen Center for Counter Terrorism Studies. I’m doing a proposal jointly with an incoming student, hopefully we’ll get it nailed down by next week. Can’t tell you what the topic is on though….

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